I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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