About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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