3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize