bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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