the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish I only lived at night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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