he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
