maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
