I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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