I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
