Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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