I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
