In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize