Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
