he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
