We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
