im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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