We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
