the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
