I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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