Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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