we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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