I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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