was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
