It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize