whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
