my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
