Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize