yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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