last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
