I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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