I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
