used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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