two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
