im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
