I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They took my balls.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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