i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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