Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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