Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize