the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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