you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
