He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
