wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
