Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
