you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
