Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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