ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Farmville is her only friend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
