I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize