the condom got lost in my hair
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
