3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
