My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
