they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize