Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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