I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
