Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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