Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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