Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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