Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
