When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
