My liver just broke up with me...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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