i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
