No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This is the high leading the old right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
