I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
