One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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