Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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