I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
