xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
