You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
