Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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