I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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