Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
