my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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