you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
