Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
