i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
