Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
