I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
