standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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