if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
