I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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