Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
