that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
