Define "chronic" masturbator.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
