I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
