After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
