she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We talked him into tasing himself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
