I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
