You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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