Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
